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1. Convinced my middle school, students, and teachers, that I thought I had been abducted by aliens.
2. Was almost killed by stampeding horses in a tunnel under the 134 freeway.
3. Handcuffed myself to my bathroom door.
4. Called the fire marshal from my high school's pay phone to report dangerous overcrowding during mandatory pep assemblies (We're talking about more 2500 people being crammed into a gym, of which the sign declared "Maximum Occupancy, 955." I am not engaging in hyperbole here: The bleachers would bend down in the middle under all those students like a bunch of birds on a phone line.). This resulted in an incredibly hefty fine for the principal and district, as well as a split assembly schedule that allowed anti-school spirit types (me) to hide from both assemblies. On a side note, this also resulted in the administration's ultimately unsuccessful search to find and punish me for "making a call during school hours."
5. Foiled a robbery attempt.
6. Was electrocuted by a giant neon ice cream cone sign.
7. Completed my first original novel, "Snake Island," before entering seventh grade (although it was pretty crap, so don't be too impressed).
8. Was the only student in my high school district to EVER successful test out of a grade of English.
9. Got in an (albeit amusing) fight pre-show with Jay Leno over an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to get Pierce Brosnan's water mug.
10. Felt Pierce Brosnan's beard stubble when he kissed my cheek at same event; having acquired autographed martini glass instead. *sigh* Beard stubble...SQUEE!
Bonus 11. Loaded the weapon Penn Jillette shot Teller with during a live show, and had Teller spit the bullet back into my hand.
My goal: At least one entry a day, every day, for the year 2011.
If you're reading this, you're probably asking, who the hell am I? Because who else reads these info pages but strangers auditioning new members for their Flist?
Here's who the hell I am: I'm an agnostic Objectivist Libertarian. My worst fault is a general laziness than often leads to crippling procrastination. This spot used to say what my career goals and ambitions were (something vaguely pre or post production Hollywood), but really, my only goal right now is to make enough money to pay off some of the horrible debt I've accrued. To that end, I'm the overnight manager at a four-star hotel somewhere in downtown Seattle. It's a gig with good people that leaves me with vast swaths of free time. Occasionally I'll recount a story of something amusing or enraging that happened at work, but the vast majority of my entries about my job are Flisted. Carefully. I've learned that lesson.
Here are some of my favorite posts, in no particular order: On Furbys, Why You Should Never Compare God to an Elephant, Why You Shouldn't Vote for President, Barack Obama and the Evils of Charisma, A Dream About a Friend, Politically Correct Racism, Heroes Season One Finale, Craigslist "Missed Connection" Ad About Being iJacked, Christmas Kangaroos, Rape Responsibility and it's follow-up, Laurell K. Hamilton's Micah, Poop Day Poll, Four Commandments for Avoiding Movies That Suck, Losing My Shit with Anthony Bourdain, The Brave Little Toaster, An Easter Basket, In Praise of Forever Knight and More Thoughts on Forever Knight, Bowling Pizza, It's a Big Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, A Love Letter to Spartacus: Blood and Sand
Please come on in, but read this quote first:
"People have got to learn that if they get into an argument with you they better be prepared to actually argue, not change the subject or hurl insults." - niobedancing
It's true. Prove me objectively wrong, and I'll grovel at your feet. Demand that I respect your opinion for no other reason than that you have it, and I'll kick you until you have to slink away in shame.
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